A BALCONY SHIRTS EXCLUSIVE – Unbridled joy swept across the small, but perfectly formed, town of Uxbridge over the weekend as news spread that the much maligned West London suburb was to be named The European Capital of Culture 2016.
Judges from across Europe were said to have been wowed by Uxbridge’s “down to earth ambiance”. Jaques Leplume from the European Culture Committee added “Franky, we were becoming weary of all these arty-farty cities full of galleries and beautiful architecture and were knocked out by Uxbridge’s no-nonsense approach.”
Uxbridge was chalking up a second boost when Balcony Shirts obtained the leaked plans for a 30 foot tall bronze statue of Russell Grant to be constructed outside Uxbridge Underground Station. Russell, Uxbridge’s most famous son and “Britain’s most loved Astrologer”, is understood to have been a pivotal factor in the judges decision.
Mrs Napier – from West Drayton said “It’s wonderful news, and paves the way for other small towns to gain the recognition they deserve – The Yiewsley Olympics 2020 is no longer just a dream”.
Uxbridge will be the first British town to win the coveted European Capital Of Culture prize since Liverpool in 2008. Celebrations in Merseyside were cruelly cut short when new evidence came to light suggesting that The Beatles had, in fact, originated from Luton in Bedfordshire.